


don't think i want to be saved

by miri8luh



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Blogging, F/F, F/M, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Heaven, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Multi, Non-Binary Hange Zoë, Party, Suicide, Tumblr, but only for hanji, dying to rejoin loved ones, even though i cried, its a happy end i promise, med school is mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-25
Updated: 2014-07-25
Packaged: 2018-02-10 08:54:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2018886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miri8luh/pseuds/miri8luh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Krista Lenz dissects her life into rules. She takes the time to dissect people's mannerisms and behaviours and make a fool-proof guide of how everything works. </p><p>And for three years, that's how she manages. But lists and rules aren't enough to keep her happy, and she hasn't been alive in a long time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	don't think i want to be saved

**Author's Note:**

> tw: suicide  
> i promise it's happy in the end but like. be warned ok. 
> 
>  
> 
> title is taken from the reckless and the brave by all time low

Krista slipped through the door to her friend Sasha’s house, and was promptly greeted with a cup of _something_ being shoved in her hand by Eren. Ah, if it was by Eren that would mean that it was probably Jäger. _(Rule 1: Eren Jaeger loves his namesake.)_ Meaning that literally, he loved anything remotely German and hunting-related. But more than anything, he relished in the alcoholic beverage named after him (his claim: it was just a happy coincidence). Krista accepted graciously, and entered the party. ( _Rule 2: never refuse a drink from Eren.)_

The tiny blonde squeezed her way past Jean’s dangerously sloshing cup ( _Rule 3: avoid a drunk Jean Kirschtein at all costs)_ and lightly prodded Marco in his direction. Marco blushed, and the few freckles that dusted his cheeks disappeared momentarily amidst the color that filled them. He smiled at her, before going to talk to Jean. ( _Rule 4: Jean and Marco are ridiculously gay for each other. Jean is also ridiculously in denial of said homosexual tendencies)_.

 

Krista smiled politely at Mikasa, who was leaning heavily on Armin as he described some intricate thing or another. ( _Rule 5: Mikasa cannot hold her liquor)._ Armin patted her when she leaned over to kiss him wetly on the cheek, and laughed at something his girlfriend whispered to him. ( _Rule 6: Mikasa and Armin have been dating for as long as anyone has known them. Even Eren, Mikasa’s brother, swears that they’ve been in love from day one)_.

 

Krista eventually found a space in an armchair in the corner of the room, pulling her tiny laptop out of her equally small handbag. Opening Photobooth, Krista smiled slightly at the camera, before clicking the button to take a photo. Three seconds later, she was staring at a picture of her where the slight smile didn’t quite meet her eyes. ( _Rule 7: Krista doesn’t take bad pictures, but you can tell when she’s not really feeling it)._

 

She logged onto her tumblr, checking the messages before deciding that there was nothing too urgent. Krista dragged the selfie into the “upload photo” part of the new photo post, and went to her blog while she waited for it to load.

 

            _kristoria.tumblr.com/tagged/ymir_

 

She laughed slightly, looking at some of the old pictures of her and her girlfriend. Like that time they tried to bake cupcakes and ended up covered in frosting on the floor. ( _Rule 8: If you don’t want a memory immortalized, don’t let Connie anywhere near a camera)_. She rolled eyes at Ymir’s selfies with the very much asleep Krista in those pictures. ( _Rule 9: If you don’t want terrible selfies of you posted online, don’t let Ymir sleep anywhere near a camera)_. She quickly changed tabs, as she realized what part of the tag she was getting to.

 

Krista’s selfie had finished loading, and she only had to type in the summary now.

 

 

“ _It’s been 3 years, and I don’t know how I’m doing it, but I went to Sasha’s party today. She just graduated from med school, can you believe it? Me neither. She’s a surgeon, works with Hanji Zoe. Eren’s boyfriend’s best friend. Xe’s a weird one, but xir knowledge isn’t something Levi will even argue with, and he’s xir best friend for crying out loud!_

_Eren’s still going hard with the Jäger at every party, but it’s not like he’d change. That was the first rule, and you’ll be happy to know it’s still the same. So much is still the same._

_Jean and Marco have yet to get together, but I’m hoping tonight is the night! By the looks of disgust Eren is giving Marco, I’m sure Jean is doing something adorable._

_I still miss you, Ymir. It’s been 3 years since I saw you, and I’ve missed you every day. I know you want me to stay strong, but I miss you so much. I hope you’re not mad that I’m coming to see you so soon, but I can’t do it. Because Ymir, I haven't lived in 3 years. When you died, I should've died too, and it's time to come home. I love you XXX_

_So to everyone who’s stuck with me for this journey, I couldn’t have done it without you! Thank you all for everything, and I hope to meet you all someday (just hopefully not soon!)_

_For the last time, Kristoria signing off!”_

She hit post, flashed a smile at the screen, and closed the laptop. Krista stood up, and thanked her friends. She took a mental picture of the room. Nodded approvingly at Armin cradling Mikasa in his arms, grinned despite herself at Jean and Marco swaying to the music together, and thanked Eren for the Jäger. She hugged Sasha and Annie tight, and if Annie had seen her post already she didn’t let on, knocking back yet another shot of vodka.

 

And then, Krista left the house and walked into the path first car she saw coming down the highway with a smile on her face.

 

(For all of you who worried, she woke up shortly after that, glowing with a golden light, and held tight in her girlfriend’s arms as she carried Krista up, up, up all the way home).

**Author's Note:**

> UGH MY HEART. i say every time that i'm going to write something happy and fun and then i end up with more depression/suicide fics im so sorry ugh it just. happens. 
> 
> my tumblr is [annie-leonhardt](http://annie-leonhardt.tumblr.com/)


End file.
